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Dipping Into the Repair Funds

February 19th, 2013 at 04:15 pm

and not for myself.

After another weekend trip to my Mother's and the resulting discussion of "You let me help get this place cleaned up or I start calling Social Services because I can't let you live like this......"

I got to work. After 6 hours of cleaning a very tiny house, by the looks it seemed like I hadn't even been there. Frown But I did get the unspeakable job of clearing out her refrigerator done. We are working on sanitizing it now. I had to buy her a mini dorm size fridge and freezer until we can't get that useable again. $231. I took her grocery shopping to buy some fresh food supplies but she paid for those herself. I also bought her some airtight containers to use to store food in until I get the rest of the kitchen cleared and disinfected. She promised to make sure to use them, hopefully I will find that she did when I get back. I also got her a phone with a second unit and got that hooked up (about $60 for the phones) and I got new batteries into the fire alarms and light bulbs all around the house. It was about $30 for all of that.

Further - Mom is going to need all of the following at some point. A new computer, a dishwasher (probably not a necessity but I think it would promote cleaner living), some new dishes (I threw out plenty that weren't cleanable), and some flooring. Her birthday is coming up and I already ordered her a computer because it really does help to keep her connected to the world. She likes to read Facebook of people she knows and visit a couple of blogs. I don't know exactly when her computer died but her disappearance from that was one of our first clues things were desperate.

I think she needs a new mattress for her bed too. I just can't do everything at once. I think Mom can cover some of these purchases herself from social security and her small pension - we'll have to see.

Medically she has made an appointment for tomorrow to speak with her doctor about her depression medication. My sister is sloowwwwwly coming around to trying to help a little. She did agree to go over on garbage day and haul the filled cans out to the curb because they are really heavy and Mom wouldn't be able to do that. I'm not going to insist my sister do more, she needs to get there on her own. My sister lives 10 minutes away and if she'd even just agree to help out by checking in on the house once a week and look things over, that'd be a huge help.

I've decided I need to concentrate on some of the good things.

1. I have emergency and repair savings accounts that I can use to help her here.
2. My husband is being awesome about all of this. He even made the suggestion of maybe we could find a housekeeper to go in and help once I get the house into better shape.
3. My Mom did allow me into the house and admitted she needs help.

So that is about where things stand. All told I think I'm going to have to spend about $1500 total getting her house in better shape. Then I need to rework our budget to account for my travel expenses down there more often. I did bring up the subject of her moving closer to me and she wasn't very agreeable to that, but she said she'd think about it.

6 Responses to “Dipping Into the Repair Funds”

  1. ceejay74 Says:

    ((hugs)) I can completely relate. If my dad weren't around, my mom would be in a similar state. As is, my dad can barely keep my mom's filth under control, and they've had a bad cockroach problem for over a year now that they're probably never going to be able to fix, because my mom likes to keep stacks of papers everywhere.

    That's good your mom admitted she had a problem. My mom doesn't acknowledge that, and my dad has pretty much put himself in denial, I think, so he won't feel too bad about the situation.

  2. SecretarySaving Says:

    You are a great daughter and you are doing an awesome job. Bless you!

  3. CB in the City Says:

    Your mom sounds like my sister. But she, like CJ's mom, doesn't see or admit how bad it is. For a while she was getting help from the Council on Aging, but she stopped paying them the nominal sum they charge, so I'm sure it is back to chaos and filth. My sister's not that old, but I have come to see it as a mental problem. Unfortunately, I am not near enough to help (and she didn't let me when I was) and her son (who is also far away) is ignoring the whole problem. He did mildly suggest to her that it wasn't a good idea to get two more dogs when she already had four, but she bristled, and that was that.

  4. creditcardfree Says:

    You are doing a great thing. I'm sure it is really difficult. You are very lucky your husband is supportive, too. ((Hugs))

  5. mjrube94 Says:

    Do you and your sister have a good relationship? If so, maybe you could get her to see that by stopping by and checking in, it's more for YOU than your mom. I had a similar conversation with my sister, where she flat out admitted that the only reason she bothers with my dad is to take some pressure off of me. Whatever gets it done...

  6. patientsaver.com Says:

    wow, it sounds like we have more in commom than I realized after reading your reply to my last post. I also worry about my mom and how she's doing living on her own in a condo about 20 minutes from me. She's not too messy but it's getting to the point where basic cleaning like vacuuming is getting to be too much for her. She has some savings, but she's too frugal to spend it on an occasional housekeeper. She wanted me to go over there and do a whole lot of cleaning for $20, which I wasn't really crazy about since I have my own place. My sister has completely distanced herself from my mother and is absolutely no help when it comes to helping out my mother in various ways, or even in communicating with her most of the time. I recently encouraged her to give me power of attorney over her affairs, in preparation for a time when she may be in the hospital or rehab and can't take care of things like bill-paying. Right now, my hands would be tied. She was interested in doing so, but it's hard for her to get things done, like seeing an attorney, so who knows if she'll ever get around to doing this.

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