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Ups and Downs

February 11th, 2013 at 02:16 pm

I went to visit my Mother over the weekend and it was a really, really very bad no good day. Long story short I'm going to have to spend much more physical time with her and what she needs is going to have an impact upon our finances just in driving costs alone as well as huge physical and emotional toll.

If I drive my husband's car, it is about $50 in fuel to go see her. If I drive my big SUV, it is over $90. So to say the least, several of those trips in one month can really add up. Plus, I always have to take her out to lunch. There are huge amounts of drama, dysfunction and other stories behind all of this that I won't bore everybody with. Let's just say I first hope to get her house cleaned up to the point where she will let some other people in the front door. And then I hope to repair some relationships to where family members who live a bit closer to her will once again agree to help out a little. Dealing with Mom isn't easy on anybody .... family, neighbors, church members. She's pretty much destroyed any sort of support system that exists that might help out.

In up news, we are doing really well on our food budget this month. We are approaching the 1/2 way point of the month and are well under 1/2 of our food budget spent. Yay!

I'm very much looking forward to spring and improved weather. We have big plans for some backyard improvement work this year and my husband has been visiting some online sites like mad trying to find a good deal on some outdoor furniture sets.

Posted in Personal Finance | 4 Comments »

4 Responses to “Ups and Downs”

  1. laura Says:
    February 11th, 2013 at 02:21 pm 1360592491
    1360592491


    I'm sorry to hear that it was trying and tiring. I, as a granddaughter, dealt with this on a smaller scale and my grandmother lived in the vicinity. It was difficult and ugly dealing with relatives and being in the middle. Looking back, all I can say is that I honestly did the best that I could.

    See what sort of community offers of help there are. Maybe is you check with a local specialist in gerontology? I think if my grandmother could have gone to "adult daycare" though it was called something different, she would have socialized and maybe not declined so fast. Of course, every situation is different. And make sure to take care of yourself during this time.

  2. Carolina Girl Says:
    February 11th, 2013 at 02:28 pm 1360592929
    1360592929

    I completely understand what you are feeling. I drive every 2/3 weeks to spend the weekend with my aging mother. It is a 2.5 hour drive each way and always includes at least 2 meals out. There isn't much to do about the gas situation but I do try to find coupons, groupon, restaurant.com coupons, etc. to help with the eating out. I also try to have a couple of meals to cook at home that also gives her something to eat on that she doesn't have to cook. My only advice is to do the best you can for her while you are there and when you leave her, know you are doing all you can. I actually have an imaginary line about 1/2 way home and once I cross that line, I feel a sense of relief (and it's been a really stressful weekend, I stop for a DQ Blizzard at that imaginary line for medicinal purposes). Whatever gets me through the day. Wishing you the best.

  3. Joan.of.the.Arch Says:
    February 11th, 2013 at 02:48 pm 1360594098
    1360594098

    "Destroyed any support system...." Not too long ago, I got a phone call from the daughter of an ex-friend, asking me to please visit her mother in hospice, that her Mom was asking for me. I told the daughter that her mother had cut me off, terminated the relationship. The daughter said her mom had alienated everybody, and now she had no-one at the end....I went.

  4. snafu Says:
    February 12th, 2013 at 03:01 am 1360638061
    1360638061

    Your situations is oh so very difficult on so many levels emotional, financial, social, drama, medical and the frustration of social services. Has your mom been medically assessed for Alzheimer/Dementia which might help explain why she ended up destroying relationships with family, friends, neighbors and church affiliation. Laura offers an excellent suggestion to make use of every geriatric service available in her community. Could other family members be counted on to do research?

    Would it be possible for your mom to reimburse you [even partially] for travel? costs? I know it's likely an opening for drama but I'd bring soup and salad from home for you and mom to enjoy. If it's the outing she craves, perhaps go for a walk to enjoy the sunshine. If you're planning to clean the house, you'd arrive in work duds, rather than the ladies who do lunch. Alternatively, could a relative be persuaded to take mom out for lunch while you scrub floors?

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